Challenge Two: Day Eighteen

Breakfast: 10am
1 Sweet Cream Visalus Shake

Mid-Morning: 12pm
1 Chicken Breast
16oz. V8 (Low Sodium, Spicy Hot)
32oz. Water

Lunch: 3pm
1 Avocado & Lime Visalus Shake

Mid-Afternoon: 5pm
1/2 a Round Steak (w/Pepper & Cumin)
16oz. V8 (Low Sodium, Spicy Hot)
32oz. Water

Evening: 7pm
1/2 a Round Steak (w/Cheddar Cheese, Pepper & Cumin)
1 Tomato (Cut into Halves with Melted Cheddar)
32oz. Water

Walk-Count:


Shadow-Boxing: (Minutes)


Squats:


Planks:



State of Being:

Some quotes from yesterday’s post:

1. ”It’s true, I have a condition (Advanced Progressive Insulin Resistance Syndrome) and a cluster of co-morbidities along with it. However, I’ve also mentioned that my weight and health issues are due only in part to said condition. Much,… in fact *most* of my problem is my own habits and behavior. Yeah, I have a condition. But, it’s MY condition and hence MY responsibility to take ownership of it and to manage it.”

2. “I don't want to fail. Even the idea of it is heartbreaking to me. But, I'm really starting to feel like it may not be up to me anymore.”

…Hypocrisy and Self-Contradiction.


***

“So, I’m standing still. I’m not giving-in to the temptation, but I’m not really doing anything else either. I’m just kind of,… stuck. Again. Like I was for years.”

…Inaccuracy.


***

“I’m not really sure why I’m not doing it. I feel very much like I owe it to myself…. I can’t explain why it hasn’t happened yet. It really feels like it should have. I have no idea what is keeping me together and focused. I really don’t.”

…Lies.


***

If you tend to spot a lot of hypocritical contradictions, willful inaccuracies and outright lies in someone’s description of their problems, you may be assured that you are speaking to an addict.

I am an addict.

Yes, I have an insulin-condition,... and in addition to that, I am also an addict.

Someone addicted to pain pills, for example, probably legitimately needed them at some point. The addiction, however came into existence because that person made bad choices as a faulty and misguided coping-mechanism and ended-up self-destructively abusing the situation created by the initial condition.

Need, pain, and suffering do not create entitlement to further abuses. Period.

Looking over and re-reading yesterday’s post, I am faced with some ugly truths. Truths that are difficult to face. Truths about what I’ve done to myself and what I’ve further done to attempt to justify it.

However, I am also comforted by another truth, a truth not about these few things I’ve done, in a moment of weakness and frustration, but about what I am and what I am not. As I look over my thoughts from last night, I can honestly state the following truth…

I am NOT this person.

I am a healthy man.
And healthy men, do not do this.

I am a powerful soul.
And powerful souls, do not do this.

Current circumstances have embarrassed my health and my strength, but these are only temporary seemings. What I have seemed to be is not what I am, regardless of how long the seemings have existed.

A lion doesn’t stop being a lion simply because he finds himself in a hunter’s net.

As for the last couple of weeks?
…In bringing down a mountain, you will occasionally hurt yourself. You will break bones. You will grind your knuckles. You will tear your skin. You will be sore. These setbacks change nothing. The mountain is still the party on notice. The mountain is still the one who should be afraid.

Thank you to everyone who emailed and called with support and encouragement.

I am back on track and I am committing right now to staying the course.

I am still very stressed. Things are still very difficult. But, I’m still alive, and as long as I’m still alive, I am advancing.

…Something which would certainly not be possible without your support.

Thank you.



See you tomorrow.



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