Challenge Three: Day Seventy

Breakfast: 9am
1 Strawberry-Banana, Phyto-Power-Energy-Charge Visalus Shake

Mid-Morning: Nothing.

Lunch: 1pm
2 Round Steaks (w/Taco Blend Shredded-Cheese)
32oz. V8 (Low Sodium, Spicy Hot)
46oz. Water

Mid-Afternoon: 6pm
1 Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Visalus Shake

Evening: Nothing.

State of Being:

~12:00pm~

Feeling really good today!

Yeah, as you’ve probably noticed, I’ve changed things up a little bit. A while back I wrote an entry in the morning instead of the evening. Going through really tough times, as I’ve been, I wanted to get my thoughts logged-into the blog before the entire run of my present, super-tough days had had its chance to beat the hell out of me.

That idea worked really well. In fact, it worked better than I’d expected in that it afforded me a concrete look at how my mentality, my mood, thoughts and outlook… my *consciousness* I guess… shift and change over the course of a day. The fact that the look took place in the midst of a run of really bad days made it particularly visceral and demonstrative of things usually relegated to faintness and subtlety.

So, in reflecting on that experience for the last little while, I’ve decided to try a new approach for the “State of Being” segment of the blog,… which is really the meat of it. I’m going to start keeping my composition program open throughout the day (at least, when I’m home), pulling it up to log my thoughts periodically, and time-coding the entries as I log them. This will be in contrast to how I’ve usually handled the blog in the past, which is to write it up at the end of the day, shortly before bed and schedule it for posting at 11:30pm.

While the old approach seems logical in theory;… the blog is, after all a summary of the day, and what better time to summarize something than at the end of it… in practice, I find that it presents an image of my journey that is frequently less clear and accurate than I’d like it to be.

So, we’ll see how this goes.

I am very busy these days with family matters surrounding my father’s death as well as with work and attending to a lot of… I’ll call it… drudgery-of-the-moment, so I’m not going to specifically schedule these little check-ins with the writing, but I will hit it as often as I can. Some days that will mean several entries spread evenly across the day. Others will see only one entry. I think this approach will be much better served by a shoot-from-the-hip method, rather than any kind of regimentation. Also, as with my food-log entries, the time-code will be by-the-hour. I’m not going to bother to log it to the exact minute, as that can be confusing as far as when I actually sat down to write, versus when I stopped writing, etc. As with the food-log, the time-code will represent what the hour was when I started writing.

As I said, I’m feeling really good right now.

The writing bug has definitely bitten me for the first time in a long while. I’ve reopened my current novel project, as well as started work on a new short-story that may grow into a short-novel/novella if necessity dictates. I’m also going to be starting work on something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but haven’t had the nerve. It’s another blog, not really related to this one in any way, with more of a political, philosophical and current-events focus. I don’t have any specific plan or time-line for getting that started, but I’ll link it here when it’s ready.

***

~6pm~

Still feeling great. A little tired now, but that’s to be expected. I’ve been pretty busy today. Got a lot done, did some cleaning, some writing and even got some reading in.

My sciatica has kinda been laying off me today. It still hurts, but not nearly as bad as it’s been the last month or so. I’m able to walk today with about a fourth as much pain as usual. Progress.

***

~10pm~

Pretty tired. Still feeling good. Just got out of the shower and had a good long phone conversation with my Mom about stuff.

Hip/leg/back is killing me, but it’s almost time for bed so it’s cool for now.

I think I’m liking this new approach to the blog, so far.

Let me know what you think.

See you tomorrow!



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Challenge Three: Day Sixty-Six

Breakfast: 11am
1 Butterfinger Visalus Shake

Mid-Morning: Nothing.

Lunch: Nothing.

Mid-Afternoon: Nothing.

Evening: 6pm
2 Cheeseburger Patties (w/ketchup, mustard & onion)
1 Lg. Caesar Salad

State of Being:
It’s been pretty rough lately.

Yesterday, I had to have Noggin put down. She was sick and getting sicker. Some kind of nervous-system problem. She was deaf and gradually going blind, her legs stopped working and she couldn’t hold herself upright anymore. At seventeen-years-old, it’s probable that it was just her time, her body just shutting down and preparing to move on. A few days ago, she began shunning her food and water.

Toward the end she couldn’t seem to sleep unless I held her against my chest. That was the only way to get her to stop moaning and sleep. She even purred as she slept.

I held her when she passed away.

Over the last few years, since my wife left and my life, career and finances fell apart, it’s not exaggeration to say that Noggin kept me going. She even kept me from ending it all on more than one occasion. She was my best friend, and my constant companion through all of this turmoil.

I miss you terribly, sweetheart.

Until we meet again…



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Challenge Three: Day Sixty

Breakfast: 8am
1 Butterfinger Visalus Shake

Mid-Morning: Nothing.

Lunch: Nothing.

Mid-Afternoon: 5pm
1 Pizza Salad
24oz. Coke Zero (Decaf.)

Evening: Nothing.

State of Being:
I miss you, Dad.



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Challenge Three: Day Fifty-Nine

Breakfast: 5am
1 Chocolate Visalus Shake

Mid-Morning: Nothing.

Lunch: 12noon
1 Sweet-Cream Visalus Shake

Mid-Afternoon: 3pm
1 Cheeseburger Patty (no bun)
1 Larger-Than-Hell Garden Salad (w/Blue Cheese Dressing)
46oz. Water

Evening: Nothing.

State of Being:
Felt dizzy and queasy this morning.

I realized after a bit that it was because I hadn’t taken my Paxil for the last day or so. The withdrawal from that can be pretty bad; dizziness, the zaps (like when you’re falling asleep and you feel yourself *slip* and so you jerk awake, except… while you’re awake,), nausea, etc.

Not so very long ago, I used to ration my Paxil out. My prescribed dosage is 40mg, once a day. But, I would take the 40mg once every three days, instead to ration it because it was so difficult for me to afford. Spacing it out like that, it would take several days for the withdrawal symptoms to appear when I ran out of pills.

Now that my finances are better (Thank You, Visalus!) and I can afford my prescription, I’ve been taking it every day. The upside is that I feel a lot better most of the time. The downside is that now, when I miss a dose, the withdrawal symptoms set-in a lot more quickly.

See you tomorrow!



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Challenge Three: Day Fifty-One

Breakfast: Nothing.

Mid-Morning: 11am
1 Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Visalus Shake

Lunch: 2pm
3pc. Baked Chicken
6 Jalapeno Poppers
12oz. Coke Zero

Mid-Afternoon: Nothing.

Evening: 9pm
1 Bowl of Fried-Cheese Chips (w/Jalapeno Slices)
24oz. Coke Zero

State of Being:
So, I’m worried about Noggin. She did something to her eye, and I’m not sure what.

There’s some blood, actually inside the eye and the pupil is contracted. Otherwise, she seems fine. I looked up the symptoms and apparently it could be all kinds of different things, none of which would be surprising at her age.

I’m going to keep an eye on her for now. If it seems to be getting worse, I’ll be taking her in to the vet.

See you tomorrow.



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Challenge Three: Day Forty-Nine

Breakfast: Nothing.

Mid-Morning: Nothing.

Lunch: Nothing.

Mid-Afternoon: Nothing.

Evening: 10pm
2 Baked Chicken Thighs
16oz. V8 (Low Sodium, Spicy Hot)

State of Being:
Wow, so I laid down for a nap yesterday at about 4pm.

I woke up tonight at 8pm. I honestly had no idea it wasn’t still Tuesday until I signed into Facebook.

I guess I was tired.

See you tomorrow!



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Challenge Three: Day Forty-Seven

Breakfast: Nothing.

Mid-Morning: Nothing.

Lunch: 1pm
1 Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Visalus Shake

Mid-Afternoon: 4pm
3 Scrambled Eggs (w/melted cheddar & Lime-Garlic Salsa Verde)
16oz. V8 (Low Sodium, Spicy Hot)
46oz. Water (w/Lemon)

Evening: 8pm
1 Strawberry & Banana Visalus Shake

State of Being:
Feeling pretty good today. I’ve been sore the last few days from lots of errand-running, but I’m starting to recover, I think.

Mom caught the hospice people at the respite care center feeding Dad fruit. Solid foods will literally kill him, and while, when he’s thinking straight he simply wouldn’t eat it, he’s not always in his right mind, these days. He gets confused, he forgets where he is, etc. It's not constant. It comes and goes.

My Dad insists he’s not hungry. It’s been proven conclusively that after the first week or so without any food, the body stops craving it altogether. There’s just no excuse for what happened. So, I’ll be headed up there in the morning to find someone with authority and pull their spine out their mouth.

I managed to get a lot of writing done today too. I mean, non-blog-related. lol It’s nice. I haven’t been able to write much at all lately and it seems that the block may have broken.

Got the windows open and I’m listening to the rain.

See you tomorrow!



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