Goals are essential to change. Without goals you are always and only floundering with no direction. A desire without a goal is just a dream. It’s a powerless and empty feeling, and nothing more.
But, some of the things that we think of as goals, are misguided. These False Goals are a particularly insidious example of the addictive nature of the unhealthy lifestyle you seek to change.
I’ve spoken before about how bad habits have a way of seeping in around the edges and can disguise themselves as good ideas, or even as new ideas, just to get their foot in the door. It’s important to be able to see them for what they truly are. False goals are a prime example of this.
The way to separate the good goals from the false goals is actually pretty simple.
A real goal, a good goal is substantive. It’s concrete.
“I will lose ten pounds by the first of next month.”
“I will cut soda from my diet completely, by July 15th.”
“I will run a 5K by September 1st.”
These are definitive. They are quantifiable and they include a deadline. These are real goals. They are concrete goals. These goals will serve you well in driving yourself and remaining both motivated and focused on reaching a certain, defined end-point.
False goals,… dangerous, misleading and ultimately disheartening goals lack this sense of substance and definition.
“I will finally Love myself.”
“I will be attractive to other people.”
“I will be happy.”
These are nebulous. They can’t be measured or quantified and worst of all, they tend to conceal an implicit deal-breaker in the event of your failure to reach them. "...and if not, then I give up," is almost always the unspoken closing-tag of these goals. When you fail to achieve one of these false goals, you are left with a feeling of emptiness, hollowness,... defeat.
In failing to reach a concrete goal, a real goal,… you simply reassess what you’re doing and the parameters of the goal. This makes each real goal a step along the path, a leg of the journey and not an end in and of itself.
For example; If your goal was to lose ten pounds within four weeks, and you fell short,… then, because the goal was so thoroughly concretized and quantified in terms of both a measurable time-limit and poundage,… in failure, you can examine and identify exactly what went wrong and what you need to change in order to meet the goal.
With false goals, however… this assessment and adjustment is impossible. There is nothing to quantify. There’s nothing to measure, because what you’re striving to achieve is something that can’t be measured.
It’s very easy to approach weight-loss, muscle-building, etc. from a position of finding fault with yourself and wanting to correct the fault. But, this is dangerous and fundamentally incorrect.
There is nothing wrong with you.
If there is something about your body that you seek to change,… that’s doable. Your body is a finite, physical object. It has measurable properties that can be observed and worked upon.
Your self, however… is something much more primal, and can’t really be quantified. The fact that you are willing to take action to change something that is making you unhappy is itself proof of your worth and value as a person.
You do not need to lose weight. Your body does.
Love and accept yourself NOW. This is the most powerful way to motivate yourself to take those actions that constitute taking better care of yourself, treating yourself better, and treating your possessions, (like, for example… your body) like the priceless, irreplaceable commodity that they are.
The perspective that says; “Once I am fit, healthy and sexy, I can be happy with myself,” is a perspective that is doomed to fail. It is a moving target that can't be locked down, tracked and hit.
The perspective that says; “I Love myself. I am worthy of Love of happiness. Therefore, I will take better care of my body,”… on the other hand, is one that cannot help but succeed.
There is no element of chance to this endeavor. Both success and failure are, from their respective paths, inevitable conclusions. The real task here is to find and remain upon the path that leads to success. The path to success only leads to success, it doesn't lead anywhere else. All you have to do is stay on it.
Every day, before you go to sleep, write down at least two things that you did right and/or well that day. Think of these as things you observed while walking the path to your success.
When you have down days, when you feel stuck or like you’re not making progress, ask people who care about you what they Love or admire about you. Think of this as keeping in touch with home while you are on your journey.
Accept who you are now, and work on changing those things that don't fit. You’re already awesome!
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